Pursuit of Happyness

I love movies like this. Ones that inspire you. Push you to something more. I felt myself being scared as he was, crying like he did, as well as rejoicing when he made it. Loved it.

What made this movie so wonderful was that it was indeed hard work that got him the job in the end. Not simply by luck or who you know, and especially not by cheating. But because he had something to live for, to work for, something beyond just the money. Seeing that smile on his son's face.

And is this not how we should live our lives?
As a senior and (sort of) looking for jobs, I think of how much money this or that job will pay and how I can spend it and how comfortably I'll live, etc. etc. But how much satisfaction will I get from that? Even now I buy something, I get excited about it, only for it to become like everything else I've ever owned. Just stuff. So that can't be why I want to get a job nor can it be how I want to live the rest of my life.

The Glory of God.
This is what I want to aim for. This is what I want to be my purpose. To please my Lord, my Father. I want to know that whatever my work, it's making a difference in the world, even just one teensy weensy difference. I want to trade in whatever worldly riches gained for just one phrase: "Well done, good and faithful servant." Oh, to just hear those words. That is my motivation. That I would be seated before the King himself as Heaven's gate opens before me, bidding my entrance.

Encounter '07 changed my life. It's thrown me into a maze, deeper than the one I was in before. Unsure of what my future will be like. Not even sure what I want it to be like.

The messages were awesome. Inspiring as well, and encouraging. Convicting.
Singing praise was amazing. Many times I would close my eyes and truly feeel like it was just me, worshiping my Lord.
Fellowship was wonderful. God certainly took care of some fears and introduced me to some great people.

But what has stuck with me most is:
1. Paul's one ambition to know Jesus more and
2. ministry opportunities.

2. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since beginning of this semester. It used to be that I just wanted to do missions for a summer or go somewhere overseas, possibly Africa. Now, my eyes have been opened to all the different programs and opportunities there are out there! I've wondered here and there whether or not it's just a spiritual high and that the desire to go into ministry will eventually pass over time. However, as I pray for more faith and more courage, I can't help but begin to believe that perhaps this is the step of faith and will of courage that God is asking me to take. If that IS the case...then I have a lot of work to do to prepare myself! But God is good, and He will provide.

On another note...this brings me such joy: Shen-na-fwer.

New Year Res[tora]tions

I can't believe it's already 2008. And to think, I'll be graduated at the end of this year.

I have so many thoughts from this past week at Encounter '07. It was truly a blessed time, but I need to gather everything I've heard and learned first to be able to share it with you. So please be patient with me.

What I can say is that God is certainly pushing and pulling me, challenging me, and that was affirmed throughout this conference. All I can say for now is that I still have no idea what my future holds. In fact, I'm probably even more confused now. But He has confirmed that the things He has placed on my heart in the past year haven't been by coincidence of frequent conversations. Whatever He calls me to, though, it will be for His glory and I can rest in that.

God is good
all the time!

All the time
GOD IS GOOD!

The Plans

I can't even begin to describe what's been going through my mind and weighing on my heart these past few months. I've had times of complete happiness, so blessed by friends. Then dropped to times when I felt so alone, even living under the same roof as 2 of my closest girlfriends. Mixed with days so inspired by everything around me...dreaming of big plans to change the world, to go overseas, become a missionary. Then again, there were days when I just felt so dry, like there was nothing left I wanted to give...no motivation, no desire. It sure has been a roller coaster. And all I want is for the ride to be over when I can walk on my steady feet again.

There are so many things I want to do, but I get completely overwhelmed when I even attempt to trace it out. To the point where I give up, self-defeat, before it even begins.

Mm...which reminds me to think about Jeremiah 29:11. It's a good thing that we can only see ahead of us, one tiny step at a time. Even the movies think so (look up/watch Paycheck). We can't handle being in control of the future.

So what do I do? Pray pray pray. And if you find yourself with some extra time, twiddling your thumbs, not knowing what to do. Please pray for me as well to get my future figured out. To be where God wants me.

Introduction

Purposeful Wanderings:
Someone very wise has also used this phrase, "Purposeful Wanderings," but I can't exactly remember who. But this is where I find myself. At least it's where I want to be heading. I used to xanga, but I feel like I've moved into another stage in my life since then. A lot has changed from the time inbetween those thoughts and now...and I don't have much of release to deal with my life now. So here's my attempt. :) I hope that this blog will be purposeful, every word and every non-word. For you and for me.

Ocean Floor:
Audio Adrenaline, heard the song? I saw them perform at a conference at a time when I thought Christianity was confined within guitar and piano worship songs and hymns in church and that rock music was almost the furthest you could get from worshipping God. But I heard this song...and I've remembered it since.

Your sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom
Of the ocean floor

But I've themed my blog this because I feel like I've reached a point where I'm ready to forgive myself for all the mistakes I've made in the past. Moving forward. Onward.

From here on out.
It's going to be good.

Savior, make me strong.